BIG TIPS

My girlfriend wants to get breast implants

by M.T. "the Big Tipper" Martone

A new woman has recently eased into my circle of friends. She's twenty, with a face like a sweet downy peach, and when I look at her, I see what my mother meant when she used to say I had such nice skin.

In my adolescence I thought my mom meant, "Good show, kid, no zits today." No face is self-examined as thoroughly and frequently as a teenage girl's, and I was quite aware of every suspicious pink spot, so I couldn't understand that what she saw was not a lack of blotches, but an absence of weariness.

So, I'm passing out of the “youngest in the crowd" stage and into the "somewhere in the middle" stage, and yesterday I saw wrinkles on my feet. And I find myself peeking at my mom's soft face to see where I'm going.

Dear Big Tipper,

My girlfriend and I have been together for twelve years, and she's the best. She is, truth be told, the most beautiful woman I've ever known, inside and out.

The past year she's been talking about getting breast implants, and I'm horrified. She's perfect the way she is, and the thought of anyone cutting her scares me to death.

We haven't really talked about it, because I was hoping the idea would pass, but she seems to be bringing it up more and more often, and it's hard to keep changing the subject. I don't want any bit of her to change! Tits to the Wind

Dear Changer and the Changed,

The thing is, she is changing, with no intervention on the part of a surgeon. Gravity is a powerful force, and it slowly wreaks its effects on us all.

She may think you're avoiding talking with her about it because you think she needs a little work. Next time the subject comes up, don't change the topic. Assure her that you're the luckiest gal in the world to have such a beautiful lover, then run your hands slowly over all the parts you love.

If you want to hammer the "natural beauty" point home, you could always rent a mainstream porn flick: Those gals have some pretty scary, stony cones. Yikes.

Dear Big Tipper,

I've been thinking of moving to a city where I have some "old friends" from college. I'm connected to them, visiting one or two times a year, and talk on the phone regularly. How can I tell if our friendship will continue, or will dissipate with proximity and the minutiae of day-to-day life? Have U-Haul, Will Travel

Dear Unravel,

Dang. The thing is, you can't know. Some friends are best as correspondents, because that's the kind of energy they have to give. Some folks will never write or lift the phone, but when you're with them, you feel as if you'd never been apart. And some friends are

there for you during one period of your life, but grow away as other people come into your inner circle.

The people you already know in this new city could bloom into "see 'em weekly" friends, or you might still just see them twice a year. I'd make sure that there were several good reasons to move, a legitimate one being your pals.

The best part about knowing people already in a new place is that they know people, who know people, and there's your new life. Good luck, sweetie.

Dear M.T. Martone,

What should I do? I recently met the nicest guy, "Allen," and I promptly decided to have sex with him, but he's breaking up with his boyfriend, and seems pretty miserable about it, so I'm holding back.

Then, he introduced me to his friend “Bill," who, it turns out, wants to have sex with me. He's attractive, so I'm going on a date with him next week. I kissed Allen on his birthday and it was incredibly hot, but I haven't been able to sense any further interest from him since.

Allen didn't tell Bill about kissing me, since he knows Bill likes me, and it would have made him mad. Now I'm thinking that if I'm going to have sex with Allen, it should be before this date with Bill, so if I end up with Bill, I won't have cheated on him after we started dating. And, if the sex with Allen is good, maybe he'll want to be with me, and I can skip Bill altogether.

We're all going to graduate in June, and I really want a boyfriend for summer, and for when I go to college. Please rush your advice!

Dear Allen Wrench,

Don't Want My Summer to be a Bummer

Good lord, what are you, a lesbian? You're making plans to avoid cheating on someone with whom you haven't even gone on a date yet? Although I admire your wise summer strategy of keeping a man on deck just in case, it seems like a lot of conversation about something that hasn't happened yet.

Which can be one of the most tantalizing parts of summah lovin.' Here's what I'm saying: See if you can smooch on Allen again, since he's the one you're hot for now. If he isn't ready, tell him you'll check in in the fall, then see if you've got a bone for Bill. If so, live it up like Olivia Newton John and John Travolta under the boardwalk (you know, in the movie Grease).

If it's just a Boys of Summer thing, bid him a teary and mysterious adieu in September, and check in with Allen. Of course, by then, that may have lost interest, and of course, there'll be the Big Men on Campus to contend with... Good luck. Wear a condom. Stay in school.

Send your burning questions on life and love to M.T. Martone, care of the Chronicle, P.O. Box 5426, Cleveland 44101, or fax to 216-631-1052, or e-mail_to_martone@ drizzle.com.

NICHOLAS JEWELERS, INC.

•

Fine Jewelry⚫ Diamonds · Unique Giftware Timepieces. Watch & Jewelry repair

unwanted

jewelry

(216) 381-3075

At Cedar & Green

Nicholas & Gary Grunwald, Proprietors

2161 S. Green Road, University Heights, Ohio 44121

We buy

JUNE 6, 1997

GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE 27

Auto

Life

Roseto Club

Akron's Only Private Gay Club

Health

For all your

insurance

Home

Business

needs!

Betsy Warner Agent

3091 Mayfield Road #217 Cleveland Heights, Ohio 44118 Office (216) 932-6900

INSTANT

627 S. Arlington St. Akron, Ohio 44306 1/2 block N. of Lovers Lane

(330) 724-4228

Your Barmaid Anna

Invitations

We specialize in Commitment Ceremony Invitations Uniquely Created and Personalized

For You

6 Color Printing While You Wait! 14551 Madison Avenue Lakewood, Ohio 44107 Phone & Fax (216) 221-2708

Life... Today!

Options for financial relief. We offer everyone something really unique...

For those facing a life threatening illness we continue to offer:

• Viatical Settlements

Life Today, Inc.,

options!

For the first time ever there's a compa-

ny which offers everyone a unique variety of options for quick financial relief.

554210

and for everyone we offer:

• Annuities & Structured Settlements

• Privately (owner) financed, mortgages

• Lottery payments

• Personal injury awards

• Business notes

• Royalties

t compnay, is a wholly owned subsidiary of Note Bankers of America, Inc. NASDAQ trading symbol (

AGENT/BROKER INQUIRES WELCOME.